Why NOT Harriet Tubman?

The latest social media rant seems to be centered around the federal government’s decision to remove Andrew Jackson from the twenty dollar bill and replace him with Harriet Tubman. I read something on Facebook the other night where someone queried, “out of all the great black people that made a difference does any one know why they chose her? Just wondering.” Screen Shot 2016-04-21 at 10.19.13 PMIt was an honest question, I don’t think he was being a jerk about it or anything. It just got me thinking… And that got me trolling…And that got me writing…(I’m worried this is going to become a habit).

As I searched sites like Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and Breitbart News (that is a horrid and terrifying place), I noticed three common themes emerging among the dissenters, 1) IMG_7740Harriet Tubman is ugly, 2) This is just one more plan by President Obama to ruin our nation (I think the term Obamanize was actually used), and 3) Most of the people complaining don’t have the faintest clue what it is they’re actually complaining about. Take the meme on the left. I seriously cried laughing. Now, the original poster, MT News, meant this as a knock against the current social media outcry over the Tubman decision. BUT, as it has been passed about the webs it has become a representation of hatred as more and more people share it because they believe the sentiment behind the wording, rather than understand the irony behind the image.

I’ve been trying to understand this situation and in order for me to do that, I need to break down each of the themes individually and view them through personal, historical, and social media lenses.

1) “Let’s face it, that broad is FUGGGLY!”

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From Breitbart News (Scary, scary place)

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Another Breitbart gem, at least guy doesn’t have an issue showing the world his racist side.

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These are some of the many random comments and tweets I took screen shots of regarding the strange fascination Americans seem to have with how ugly Harriet Tubman is. I’ve lost count of the amount of times people commented on her “fat ass”, ugly face, and bad hair. The comments range from mildly annoying to downright racist. I personally don’t see the purpose of this logic. I mean, I agree, she’s not a looker, but neither am I. Hell, neither is most of the American population. Furthermore, what do looks have to do with her accomplishments or worthiness of being the face of the new twenty dollar bill? I could see this being a tad more logical if say, Ben Franklin or Abraham Lincoln were even remotely good looking, but let’s face it, our Founding Fathers and former presidents don’t often have that going for them as a trait. I have to believe deep down that America can’t be THAT superficial which means I AM choosing to believe that America IS that racist. I firmly believe these tirades are driven by ignorance, by the fact that deep down these people are pissed that a black woman is replacing a white man and while some show it more willingly than others, they have to look for seemingly less offensive ways to complain about the new face of the twenty.

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One of the best responses regarding the argument that Tubman is too ugly to be on US currency

2) “Obama’s Last Stab”

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Breitbart News again, this guy doesn’t seem to hate Tubman as much as he does Obama, but it’s hard for me to not read “racist” into this comment.

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This guy believes this is the direction America is headed because we’re putting a black woman on the 20 dollar bill.
Somehow people in America have decided that this move toward equality in our currency is actually an evil and secret plot by the President to…to…to do what exactly? I’m going to guess it has something to do with the belief that President Obama is planning to take power from the “good, God-fearing, white Christians” of this “great” nation. The problem with this sentiment, aside from the obvious racism again, is that it’s just not true. People have been lobbying for years to get women, black people, Native Americans, and other minorities on US currency. Hell, in my research I found several failed attempts by House Representatives to get Ronald Reagan on the 10, 20, and/or 50 dollar bill. I have to wonder, if that was who was replacing Andrew Jackson would we be having this conversation? Also, as an interesting side note, people have been lobbying for years to have Andrew Jackson removed from US currency, school names, postage stamps, etc. In other words…NONE of THIS is a new idea folks. Furthermore, NONE of THIS is even something the President of United States has the power to control.

According to US law it is usually the Secretary of the Treasury (yes, I know, he WAS appointed by President Obama, but he was also APPROVED 71-26 by the US Senate…which means…that’s right…Republicans said yes too…) who determines which people and which of their portraits appear on US currency. However, legislation passed by Congress can also determine currency design. That doesn’t mean the President can’t make requests or suggestions regarding the matter, but it does mean HE CANNOT put Tubman on the twenty, regardless of whether he wants her there or not.

This most recent push for changing our currency had great help from a grassroots movement called “Women on 20s“, who gathered support for their cause and then petitioned President Obama to “instruct” Jacob Lew to put a woman on the twenty dollar bill. After a year of work, and the collection of hundreds of potential names for this honor, Jacob Lew, the Secretary of the Treasury, made the decision to honor the women’s suffrage movement on the 5, 10, and 20 dollar bills. Lew wrote a letter to the American people detailing his decision. By 2020 the plan is to have added women, white and black alike to the 5, 10, and 20 dollar bills. (By the by, 2020 marks the one hundred year anniversary of the 19th Amendment, which gave women the right vote).

3) We the People need a history lesson…

So now we’ve sort of come full circle, returning to the question that started me on this path, “why Harriet Tubman?” In my infinite wisdom, I decided that in order to understand “Why Harriet Tubman”, I had to first understand why any of them, so I started my research with the question, “why the presidents on the money?” I was curious. I learned a lot, including this, which actually surprised me.

Treasury Department records do not reveal the reason that portraits of these particular statesmen were chosen in preference to those of other persons of equal importance and prominence. By law, only the portrait of a deceased individual may appear on U.S. currency and securities. Specifics concerning this law may be found under United States Code, Title 31, Section 5114(b). (http://www.moneyfactory.gov/resources/faqs.html)

Basically, at least according to the Bureau of Engraving and Printing, part of the US Department of the Treasury, there really isn’t an answer as to why the men who grace our current bills were “lucky” enough to have their mugs picked in the first place. There IS a lot of speculation out there. Some of it from highly intelligent and respected people, and some of it is just downright entertaining, in a sad, I hope that person doesn’t procreate sort of a way.

Taking all that into consideration I think we can safely say that Presidents Washington (one dollar bill and quarter), Lincoln (five dollar bill and penny), and F. Roosevelt (dime) are sort of no-brainers. I mean you have the hero of the Revolutionary War and first president. The Great Emancipator, the man who preserved the Union and was then assassinated a mere five days after Lee surrendered. And the man who got the US through the Great Depression and who was so well-loved they elected him four times. That’s a pretty strong list of solid contenders to be the visage of our money and I’m going to give all three two thumbs up in snap as my solid seal of approval.

The lines start to become a little blurred when we consider the rest of the “currency crew” (I like that little nickname I gave them) Ben Franklin (hundred dollar bill) and Alexander Hamilton (ten dollar bill) were not presidents, which as was noted above, does seem to matter to some people. Brushing that aside though, we have two men who were Founding Father’s of the United States and ardent supporters of independence and the federal government. Ben Franklin actually used his own personal printing company in 1739 to develop methods to make counterfeiting bills more difficult. He used leaves to create raised patterns on the bills, a practice that has been modified over the years and is still in use today. Hamilton is probably best known as the man who shot and killed Aaron Burr. But he was also the first Secretary of the Treasury under George Washington and a major supporter of a national banking system. Bearing those characteristics in mind the lines regarding those two aren’t really all that blurred, so I’m also giving these guys two thumbs up and my approval as currency portraits.

Blurrier still become our lines as we move on to Ulysses S. Grant (fifty dollar bill) and Thomas Jefferson (two dollar bill and nickel). Grant was the 18th President of the US and is generally considered a war hero from the Civil War, instrumental in the Union’s success against the Confederacy. Grant was a graduate of West Point Military Academy, one of the most prestigious colleges in our nation. On the flip-side, Grant’s success as a military strategist is highly-contested and many historians and military experts argue that what won the war was not brilliant strategy so much as his willingness to expend as many lives as possible to win the war. His war of attrition against the South earned him the nickname “the butcher” in many circles. His performance at West Point was less than average and his interest in military studies was lacking. Many historians have also recorded Grant’s presidency as a failure. His economic policies led to a depression and his involvement in the Credit Mobilier Scandal further sullied his reputation and legacy. Grant’s tenure in office wasn’t all bad, he laid important groundwork in regards to civil rights and worked toward the Reconstruction of the nation. He was president during a tumultuous time in history, so while he doesn’t get an enthusiastic two thumbs up from me (and DEFINITELY no snaps) I’m not going to say he didn’t earn his place on the fifty.

Thomas Jefferson was the third President of the United States. He was also our second Vice President under John Adams and our first Secretary of State under George Washington. He penned the Declaration of Independence and is one of our greatest Founding Fathers. TJ picWhile in office Jefferson organized the Louisiana Purchase, doubling the size of the US and sent Lewis and Clark on their mission to explore that new territory. He stood up against the British and signed into law an act forbidding the importation of slaves into the United States. His policies toward Native Americans were seen as more humane than most (for the time period) and he believed in a policy of assimilation for most indigenous people. He is regarded as one of the greatest presidents of our country. BUT…Jefferson was a slave owner. He participated in the buying, selling, and inheriting of slaves. He owned over 600 slaves in his lifetime and supposedly had an affair with one of his slaves, Sally Hemings, who bore his illegitimate children. In all honesty, Jefferson is one of my favorite presidents, but there is definitely room to debate his position on our current currency because of his role in slavery.

Which leads me to our final currency portrait, the current man of the hour, Andrew Jackson. The blurriest of all lines rests here with the 7th President of the United States and Battle of New Orleans, War of 1812, hero. Andrew Jackson has been one of the most debated, most controversial, most celebrated, and most loathed presidents in our history. He was an avid politician and involved in numerous highly politicized issues including the “corrupt bargain”, and the subsequent creation of the Democratic Party, the Nullification Crisis, the killing of the National Bank, and The 1830 Indian Removal Act which later led to the “Trail of Tears”. In the election of 1832 he assumed the “jackass” as his symbol (his opponents called him that) and later Thomas Nast would popularize this symbol and it would become the emblem of the Democratic Party. He was a slave owner and slave trader and a known opponent of abolition. Many have argued that Andrew Jackson was a horrible person, not worthy of a place on our currency. Many have argued that Andrew Jackson was a great politician who prevented civil war and federal bankruptcy. I argue that isn’t it possible he was both?

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Political Cartoon portraying Andrew Jackson as a jackass, circa 1929
Jackson was politically active in the 1820s and 1830s, a time period wrought with racism against both African Americans and Native Americans. A time period characterized by the desire to head westward because it was God’s will and plan for us as a nation. He was a man of the times. It doesn’t make it right. It doesn’t make him right. But it does lend some perspective to the matter. Isn’t it possible that Jefferson, despite owning slaves, was a good man? Most people would agree it is. So, isn’t possible, that Andrew Jackson, despite his stance on abolition and Native Americans, was also a good president in other areas? Of course it is. Our problem today is that we see everything in black and white and in absolutes. Andrew Jackson did terrible things to Native Americans, ergo he MUST be a terrible person. The truth is a bit grayer than that. Andrew Jackson DID do terrible things to Native Americans because in the 1830s the US was collectively doing terrible things to Native Americans. He was a man of the times. Sure, he could have been the guy that stood up against these atrocities, he could have gone down in history as a savior of the Native American people, rather than a slayer of them, but he didn’t. He made his proverbial bed and now, well now, he has to proverbially lie in it.

Deciding to remove Jackson from the front of the twenty dollar bill and move him to the back is not a black and white decision, although some in America are certainly trying to make it so. Removing Jackson isn’t even a knock against Jackson, but rather an attempt to move forward and recognize the pain that he caused and the pain that his legacy still causes to many in our nation. Jackson represents a time period in American history that we should be ashamed of. Jackson represents a time period in American history that we should atone for, even if it’s not directly “our fault”. The choice to replace Jackson represents a step in the direction of our government to create a more equal and more representative historical record. Jackson represents the past, and this change, well it represents progress.

Jacob Lew provided a rationale for his decision to put Harriet Tubman on the new twenty in his letter to the American people, but in case you didn’t go to the link yet, I’ll sum up in my opinion why Harriet Tubman was an excellent choice.

Harriet Tubman was a remarkable woman. She was born a slave in 1820 in Maryland, but she escaped it. She suffered a serious and debilitating head injury at the hands of a slave driver, but she overcame it. She helped over 300 people escape slavery on the Underground Railroad. She was so successful in her work that she was dubbed “Moses” by William Lloyd Garrison. She served as a spy, nurse, and a cook during the Civil War. After the war was over she created schools for black children and built a home for the elderly. She opened her door and her garden to anyone in need, regardless of race, gender, or religion. She fought for racial equality as well as gender equality and the right for woman to vote. As a symbol, Harriet Tubman is the EXACT opposite of Andrew Jackson. She represents PROGRESS. She represents HOPE. Harriet Tubman was BRAVE. She was KIND. She was INSPIRING. Harriet Tubman IS worthy of this acknowledgement. She IS worthy of this honor. She represents the America that I want to be proud of. The America we should be promoting. The America I want to be a part of and I personally am CELEBRATING this moment.

A White Perspective On Why It Is OK That #BLACKLIVESMATTER

I honestly don’t know where to start with this. I’m here because I’m sad. Because I am ashamed. Because another black man had his life cut short yesterday. And I am here because I am tired of hearing white people rail against black issues and black causes. bey mjI thought my anger reached its fullest potential following the Super Bowl. I remember so many people taking to Facebook and Twitter, blasting Beyonce, Bruno Mars, Cold Play, The NFL, CBS, even Pepsi for allowing Beyonce to perform “Formation” during the Half Time Show. The comments ranged from laughable to ignorant to downright racist and hateful. I trolled various Facebook posts and Twitter feeds and found myself experiencing a myriad of reactions and emotions. Like so many people I don’t know what to do, what to say, how to help. I can’t fathom a scenario where I can do anything to fix this, but I can also no longer stay quiet. I started this post months ago, then I put this aside and debated whether I should post it. Then Alton Sterling was shot and killed yesterday and the need to say something has once again risen up in my soul. This time I’m going to allow it a voice.

After Super Bowl 50, the historian in me was both amused and appalled that people were so offended by the costume’s “obvious throwback” to the Black Panther Party. Truthfully, what I saw was an homage to the late King of Pop rather than Bobby Seale and Huey Newton, but after some research, I see it now (although I don’t think either would EVER be caught dead in hot-pants), and it still doesn’t make me angry. 

The human in me was absolutely floored by the multitude of comments on how fat Beyonce had gotten (say whaaaa???), or mocking her for tripping during the performance. Some people attacked her daughter, Blue Ivy, because she was in the “Formation” video, others called her a “slut” and a “bitch”, or even a Nigress (seriously?), while a few issued death threats to her and her family. It was truly a shock to my system to see the down-right hatred people were capable of.

My rational/logical-side was astonished by how far out of proportion angry white people had blown this whole situation. It’s not like Beyonce stopped singing and screamed “Kill Whitey!” at the audience.

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Thank you Chris Farley
It’s not like the song “Formation” actually calls for black people to rise up and begin killing cops. It’s not like she is doing anything differently from any other artist on the planet who uses their talent and presence to send a message. Countless musicians, artists, writers, etc. have written numerous songs, painted numerous pictures, and tweeted numerous tweets regarding social justice issues and matters they feel strongly about. So why, when a strong black woman does this, does it offend us so?

I mean really, who cares if she was honoring the BPP? White people represent their white heritage and background constantly, and yes, even the nastier elements are represented (um, that Confederate bumper sticker you so proudly display…#justsayin). Why is it that shows like Black-ish cause people to quip, “if there was a show called ‘white-ish’ it would be considered racist,” or “if there was a WhereWhitePeopleMeet.com it would be considered racist.” Why is it that we (this is the Royal We, the White Folks ‘we’), are so offended by the Black Lives Matter movement? Why are we so defensive when someone says, “racism still exists in America.” What is it about these statements, these shows, these celebrations and acknowledgements of black culture and heritage and lifestyle that makes white people act like crazy lunatics?

Well…I have a theory on that…

For the past year at work we have been reading Courageous Conversations About Race: A Field-guide for Creating Equity in Schools, written by Glenn E. Singleton (Corwin Press). We’ve also been working with Gary Howard and receiving professional development on how to develop Culturally Responsive Schools in our district. I’ve learned a lot honestly. I have had my proverbial paradigm shifted and I have started to see the light. When we first started the conversation in our bi-weekly meetings there was a tenseness in the air that was almost palpable. You could literally FEEL the nervous energy being emitted from a room full of highly intelligent and well-educated WHITE people who were about to embark on a journey to understand racism in America. My boss set up a our “journey” as a blended course. We participated in conversations in meetings, responded to online discussion boards, and read the Singleton book in our spare time. The book became the foundation of our work and on pages 4 and 5 in the introduction my perspective began to change.

In his introduction, Singleton discussed the nature of his work, the necessity of his work, and the difficulties he has experienced in his work. One of the biggest set backs to the process was, as I interpreted it at least, (spoiler alert) WHITE PEOPLE. He wrote about how, when the conversation on race began people would automatically do one of a few things; they might try to empathize and say they understand, or they might be bold enough to deny that these things actually occurred. His advice to us (again, this is the Royal Us, the White Folks ‘us’) was to just believe him, or any person of color for that matter, when they told you that the lives of black people were different from that of white people. Part of the work we’ve done in our school system has revolved around that paradigm of just believing; I wrote about my first experience with it here.

Many White people, emotionally moved by what they have heard, ask, “So what do I do now?” “How can I stop being racist?” “How can you forgive me for having been racist?” “How can I fix this?” My answer in 1995 and now, almost 20 years later, is still quite simple and still viewed as profound: “Just believe me.”

-Glen E. Singleton

Ok, so why the insight into my district’s work around race? What in the hell does that have to do with the theory I have on why white people are so sensitive about the existence of racism in America? Because, it was part of my process. Part of my awakening, if you will. And, it’s my blog and I think it’s relevant to the punchline.

So where were we? Oh yes, racism in America and why it’s ok to say “Black Lives Matter, and why it’s NOT racist, or exclusive, or hateful, or disparaging to white lives. Ready? BECAUSE WHITE LIVES HAVE ALWAYS MATTERED (I’d drop the mic and exit at this point if I didn’t have more to say). It’s true. When you break it down to its most basic parts, that is the bottom line. You can’t go back in history and cite a period in which white people were systematically discriminated against because of their skin color. And sorry folks, the Holocaust isn’t a valid example because that was discrimination against a religion, and the slavery of the Roman times doesn’t work either because it was a white on white crime, or…wait for it…a white on black crime in the case of Carthage. Really, for the Romans it was a citizen/person of means on every one else crime, but whatever. The point is, any time you do some research to try to find a time when people were systematically discriminated against based on skin color you find one common theme…it was a white guy leading the parade. Sorry folks, but that’s just the God’s honest truth. The eradication of Native Americans? White people. The West African slave trade? White people. Apartheid? White people. Japanese-American internment? White people. I could go on, but I think you can see the trend here. Need more proof? Google “List of racist occurrences in history” and then Google “Examples of racism against white people,” compare your results. The proof, as they say, is in the pudding (actually, what was said was the “the proof of the pudding is in the eating…but again, whatever).

I think Louis C.K. said it best in a comedy skit on why “being white is clearly better” (note the emphasis on BEING WHITE and not WHITE PEOPLE) He remarks that he can get in a time machine and go to any time and place and because he is white it won’t be an issue. He furthers this commentary by adding that the same is not true for black people and that anything before 1980 is a bit iffy for people of color.

“…But I can go to any time! The year 2. I don’t even know what’s happening then, but I know when I get there…’Welcome, we have a table right here for you, sir’. ‘Thank you. Oh, it’s lovely here in the year 2’.”

-Louis C.K.

I love this skit and have it on my iPod for rainy days when I need not only a laugh, but a reality check. The truth hurts and because of that we’ve made it a habit to sort of gloss over the ugly parts and write history in a manner that doesn’t paint white people in the light we probably deserve to be painted. Don’t believe me? Do some research on how Texas and McGraw-Hill portray slavery in their textbooks, for just one example. So, here is where the defensive white people enter the conversation, “but it is not our fault,” “I wasn’t even alive when slavery existed,” “I’m not a racist,” “I can’t help it I’m white!”…yada yada yada. Next mic drop…NO ONE IS SAYING IT IS, YOU WERE, or YOU ARE. 12wjipSeriously, when a black person tells you that their lives are different from yours because you are white and they are black, that’s not a dig against you. They aren’t blaming you for it or asking you to apologize for it, they’re simply stating a point of fact. The truth is, we don’t like this fact because deep down, in places we don’t like to talk about at parties, this fact makes us feel all icky and yucky inside. It makes us feel guilty and it makes us feel bad about being white (which, as we’ve established, isn’t our fault). I mean, why should we feel bad about being white when we had no control over who our parents are and what our heritage is? IT’S NOT OUR FAULT!!! Cue the violins and listen closely. NO ONE IS SAYING IT IS. The only person making you feel guilty for being white is you. The only person making you think you’re supposed to apologize for slavery and Apartheid and Jim Crow is you. The only person making you proclaim that you are not a racist is you. Black people are NOT white shaming you. They’re just asking you to lend their point-of-view some credence. They’re asking you to stop denying racism because admitting it makes you feel uncomfortable. They’re asking you to have an open and honest conversation with them about race. They’re asking you to stop pretending that you know what it is like to be black in America because YOU DON’T.

The bottom line is this…racism exists in America. It shouldn’t. But it does. And if we think of racism in terms of an addiction and 12-step the hell out of it, we might just start to make some progress. And what is the first step in any 12-step program? Admitting we have a problem! (It’s actually that we are powerless against alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable…sue me for paraphrasing) Anyway, the point is, that until we, that’s right, the ROYAL WHITE WE, admit that racism still exists we can’t move forward. And IF you are one of the people holding firm to your belief that racism doesn’t exist in America, then guess what? You ARE part of the problem.

So here’s the deal, at least as I see it, we (yes, white we) have to shift our perspective. We have to shift the paradigm and change the way we think and talk about racism. I’m not writing this to make you feel bad about being white. I’m not into “white shaming.” I’m writing this because until a few years ago I questioned why “whereblackpeoplemeet.com” wasn’t racist. I’m writing this because I am hoping that at least one person will read this and say, “ahhhhh…I get it now.”

So shift your paradigm. The next time someone of color tells you that white privilege is real, don’t deny it, just believe them. The next time someone tells you that racism exists in America, don’t automatically default to the defensive. Instead, remind yourself that they are not asking you to apologize for white privilege. They are not asking you to apologize for being white. They are asking you to take the first step in solving the problem by admitting we have one. Once we stop ignoring the elephant in the room we can open up the channels of conversation and take the next steps to righting the wrongs.

The Black Lives Matter movement is NOT negating white lives, it is NOT negating cop lives, or even puppy dog lives. The Black Lives Matter movement is NOT denying that, yes, in fact, ALL LIVES MATTER, black people know this same as you and I. What the Black Lives Matter movement IS, is a catchy slogan to be used on social media to garner support and attention for a cause. The Black Lives Matter movement IS calling attention to an issue our country IS currently facing.  It’s NOT supposed to make you angry (well it IS, but NOT at black people). It’s NOT supposed to make you feel bad for being white. It’s NOT supposed to make you feel less valuable. It IS supposed to make you think. It IS supposed to make you aware. It IS supposed to make you feel uncomfortable. It IS supposed to make you care. It IS supposed to make US change.

Underdog

I feel like I should begin with a disclaimer: I’ve never written a blog before, I’ve never really read blogs before.  I do not know the rules or expectations and am basing this first attempt on something Dr. D said in class tonight “remember, these are my own personal rants”, bearing that in mind I have something to rant about.  So here goes nothing…

As I drove home from class tonight, my first with Dr. D, I found myself pondering something we discussed, attempting to answer a question that was asked, and fixating on what I consider to be my failed video introduction.  At the start of class we entered a lively discussion on why it’s the lower performing kids who are hurt the worst by non-aligned curriculum.  My hand shot up, I thought I knew the answer, and then I experienced what I’m sure will be the first of Dr. D’s excited and somewhat terrifying responses to my “not-so-correct-as-I-thought-it-was” answer.  Later in class we discussed a question we had been asked to answer for our video introduction.  We were supposed to include for the class something we feel they should know about us, but something we wouldn’t put on our resume.  He explained to us why he asked this question and what he expected to receive as an answer in return.  As I drove home I realized I hadn’t answered this question and begin racking my brain to come up with something “worthy” of an answer.  Something that was honest, something that pertained to my experience or mission as a teacher, and something that represented me as a person, not me as the person I pretend to be when I’m worried the whole world is watching.  As I exited I-85 I felt pretty confident I had it, I had hashed it out into words and had imagined it as my part of my video introduction. Yet, somewhere between Exit 54 and home my vision became twisted in my mind and it seemed contrived, almost forced, and I had once again resigned myself to answering the question at hand.  Then something happened, it’s that “Aha moment” we are always told about as educators, and in our syllabus as future administrators told to blog about and it all become clear in my mind again.

I like the “bad” kids (hopefully the quotes will make sense upon conclusion of this blog).  I always have, maybe it’s because I wasn’t one, and was living vicariously through them.  Maybe it’s because in my first year of teaching I experienced the workroom banter of “Oh, you havehim, he’s lazy…he’s trouble…he won’t do anything in your class…just give him an F and move on…”, and always being one to take the path less traveled I enjoyed saying in response, “Really?  Why I just loved him.”  Or maybe it’s just because they’re more fun, more challenging, and usually the most surprising students you can teach.  Yes, they drive you nuts, and yes, they break your heart, and YES, sometimes you lose them, but when you don’t, when you reach them, when they succeed, you feel a moment of elation, a moment of resolve to save all the “bad” kids you can.  It’s a moment that makes you cry, and sing and dance, and brag and shout to the world “I am a teacher, I am good at what I do, and I LOVE my job!”  Sometimes, it’s even a moment where you decide to take a risk and blog about it.

What happened was this.  I came home tonight, resolved to put my quandaries regarding class on hold so I could pack and clean in preparation for my trip home tomorrow and in search of a brainless distraction I checked Facebook.  I’m not a Facebook “stalker” and therefore usually only see what is right in front of me on my news feed.  Luckily, tonight the first post was from a former student of mine, it was a picture of merchandise his company (an entertainment company he started and manages) is selling in Concord Mills.  It’s a legitimate business, which given the kids past history is important to note.  It made my heart sing.

I first experienced this child second semester of his freshman year.  I was warned about him, he was Trouble, he was, a “bad” kid.  It’s the usual story people always feel compelled to whisper to you in the hallway or the copy room; terrible home life, terrible upbringing, parents who don’t care, probably doesn’t even know who his father is, if he does know him he probably visits him in jail, blah, blah, blah.  Truth is, I never had any trouble from him, I never saw him as trouble, so much as I saw him as Troubled.  I realized quickly that he wasn’t a “bad” kid, he was the underdog.  He was the kid who was 16 in the 9th grade, he failed more classes than he passed, he spent most of his days in ISS or OSS and he was disliked by most of his teachers and feared by most of his peers.  He had what he called “street cred” and told me that having that was more important than having good grades, or a starting position on the basketball team (although he’d “school anyone in hoops who dared step to him”).  He was also the kid who called me “ma’am” on the first day, who offered to hand out papers and then tested me with silly antics while in the process.  He was the kid who called me “mama” after a few weeks of knowing me, and started calling me his “wife” a few weeks later, because “she’s always on my a$$, just like an old ball and chain”.  He was the kid that bought me Steelers pajama pants and then threw them away in front of me because I couldn’t accept gifts bought with drug money (something I regret doing to this day because I had no proof that’s where the money came from).  He was the kid who told me that history won’t help him pay the bills, or stay off the streets, or stay out of jail, or live to see his 21st birthday.  And he was the kid that broke my heart.

What I had realized after a few weeks was that he was the kid that everyone else, his parents, his teachers, his string of former employers, had given up on.  He was the kid who was “hopeless”, not hopeless in the sense that he couldn’t be helped, but hope LESS as in the kid who had no hope.  He had learned at a young age to rely on himself, he learned at a young age that authority figures were the enemy, and he had learned at a young age that it was easier to be thrown out of class for misbehavior than to try in class and still fail.  He was failing because the world had failed him.  I was young, new to teaching and full of hope and ideas.  Yet despite all my best efforts and I mean my BEST efforts, I lost this kid his senior year.  I did everything I could think of to “save” him; I requested him his junior year in US history, I asked to take him into my class as a “helper” when he was kicked out of his English class, just so he had somewhere to go, that wasn’t home, I fought with my Assistant Principal, a man I have more respect for than I can properly put into words, every time he suspended him.  I went home and cried the day he was expelled and again on the day I learned he was sentenced to prison.  I feared for his life and rejoiced when after 3 years of his sentence he was released and contacted me to be a reference for him.

He was out of jail, he wanted to make an honest living for himself, and he knew I wouldn’t turn my back on him.  I gave him my information and accepted his friend request on Facebook, something I regretted often over the past few years when I saw posts from him and I knew he wasn’t living a life I approved of or a life I had always hoped he would have.  Then tonight, while in deep thought over a question that I decided to take as seriously as I could, I saw a picture of merchandise, in a mall, in my town, designed by a kid I thought I had lost, advertising a company that he created and I knew that while I probably had nothing to do with it, while he probably didn’t even remember my name, I just knew, I hadn’t failed him.  I told him on Facebook how proud I was of him; it’s the first time I’ve ever posted anything to his page in 7 years.  This was his response (please bear in mind, I was not his English teacher), “Leanne (tag) you know you was always my favorite. Nd you was the only one who eva had any faith in me nd tried to help in school.  Know I was hard headed nd live lil different life.  You still cared.  I messed up but had a turn around after jail and prison and had to get it together.  I never stop thinkin about you nd appreciatn you foreal.  Nd thank you, I’m glad I make you proud.  When I blow I’ll have a job for you lol…”  Now, I don’t know what the last part even means, and I know that the grammar and spelling is atrocious (and in my response I told him we need to work on it if he is going to be a respectable businessman) but the rest of it speaks for itself and gave me the courage to share my “secret, non-resume worthy tidbit” about who I am.  (Sometimes you just need someone to believe in you.)

I am a teacher who likes the “bad” kids…I am a huge fan of the underdog.