I honestly don’t know where to start with this. I’m here because I’m sad. Because I am ashamed. Because another black man had his life cut short yesterday. And I am here because I am tired of hearing white people rail against black issues and black causes. I thought my anger reached its fullest potential following the Super Bowl. I remember so many people taking to Facebook and Twitter, blasting Beyonce, Bruno Mars, Cold Play, The NFL, CBS, even Pepsi for allowing Beyonce to perform “Formation” during the Half Time Show. The comments ranged from laughable to ignorant to downright racist and hateful. I trolled various Facebook posts and Twitter feeds and found myself experiencing a myriad of reactions and emotions. Like so many people I don’t know what to do, what to say, how to help. I can’t fathom a scenario where I can do anything to fix this, but I can also no longer stay quiet. I started this post months ago, then I put this aside and debated whether I should post it. Then Alton Sterling was shot and killed yesterday and the need to say something has once again risen up in my soul. This time I’m going to allow it a voice.

After Super Bowl 50, the historian in me was both amused and appalled that people were so offended by the costume’s “obvious throwback” to the Black Panther Party. Truthfully, what I saw was an homage to the late King of Pop rather than Bobby Seale and Huey Newton, but after some research, I see it now (although I don’t think either would EVER be caught dead in hot-pants), and it still doesn’t make me angry. 

The human in me was absolutely floored by the multitude of comments on how fat Beyonce had gotten (say whaaaa???), or mocking her for tripping during the performance. Some people attacked her daughter, Blue Ivy, because she was in the “Formation” video, others called her a “slut” and a “bitch”, or even a Nigress (seriously?), while a few issued death threats to her and her family. It was truly a shock to my system to see the down-right hatred people were capable of.

My rational/logical-side was astonished by how far out of proportion angry white people had blown this whole situation. It’s not like Beyonce stopped singing and screamed “Kill Whitey!” at the audience.

It’s not like the song “Formation” actually calls for black people to rise up and begin killing cops. It’s not like she is doing anything differently from any other artist on the planet who uses their talent and presence to send a message. Countless musicians, artists, writers, etc. have written numerous songs, painted numerous pictures, and tweeted numerous tweets regarding social justice issues and matters they feel strongly about. So why, when a strong black woman does this, does it offend us so?

I mean really, who cares if she was honoring the BPP? White people represent their white heritage and background constantly, and yes, even the nastier elements are represented (um, that Confederate bumper sticker you so proudly display…#justsayin). Why is it that shows like Black-ish cause people to quip, “if there was a show called ‘white-ish’ it would be considered racist,” or “if there was a WhereWhitePeopleMeet.com it would be considered racist.” Why is it that we (this is the Royal We, the White Folks ‘we’), are so offended by the Black Lives Matter movement? Why are we so defensive when someone says, “racism still exists in America.” What is it about these statements, these shows, these celebrations and acknowledgements of black culture and heritage and lifestyle that makes white people act like crazy lunatics?

Well…I have a theory on that…

For the past year at work we have been reading Courageous Conversations About Race: A Field-guide for Creating Equity in Schools, written by Glenn E. Singleton (Corwin Press). We’ve also been working with Gary Howard and receiving professional development on how to develop Culturally Responsive Schools in our district. I’ve learned a lot honestly. I have had my proverbial paradigm shifted and I have started to see the light. When we first started the conversation in our bi-weekly meetings there was a tenseness in the air that was almost palpable. You could literally FEEL the nervous energy being emitted from a room full of highly intelligent and well-educated WHITE people who were about to embark on a journey to understand racism in America. My boss set up a our “journey” as a blended course. We participated in conversations in meetings, responded to online discussion boards, and read the Singleton book in our spare time. The book became the foundation of our work and on pages 4 and 5 in the introduction my perspective began to change.

In his introduction, Singleton discussed the nature of his work, the necessity of his work, and the difficulties he has experienced in his work. One of the biggest set backs to the process was, as I interpreted it at least, (spoiler alert) WHITE PEOPLE. He wrote about how, when the conversation on race began people would automatically do one of a few things; they might try to empathize and say they understand, or they might be bold enough to deny that these things actually occurred. His advice to us (again, this is the Royal Us, the White Folks ‘us’) was to just believe him, or any person of color for that matter, when they told you that the lives of black people were different from that of white people. Part of the work we’ve done in our school system has revolved around that paradigm of just believing; I wrote about my first experience with it here.

Many White people, emotionally moved by what they have heard, ask, “So what do I do now?” “How can I stop being racist?” “How can you forgive me for having been racist?” “How can I fix this?” My answer in 1995 and now, almost 20 years later, is still quite simple and still viewed as profound: “Just believe me.”

-Glen E. Singleton

Ok, so why the insight into my district’s work around race? What in the hell does that have to do with the theory I have on why white people are so sensitive about the existence of racism in America? Because, it was part of my process. Part of my awakening, if you will. And, it’s my blog and I think it’s relevant to the punchline.

So where were we? Oh yes, racism in America and why it’s ok to say “Black Lives Matter, and why it’s NOT racist, or exclusive, or hateful, or disparaging to white lives. Ready? BECAUSE WHITE LIVES HAVE ALWAYS MATTERED (I’d drop the mic and exit at this point if I didn’t have more to say). It’s true. When you break it down to its most basic parts, that is the bottom line. You can’t go back in history and cite a period in which white people were systematically discriminated against because of their skin color. And sorry folks, the Holocaust isn’t a valid example because that was discrimination against a religion, and the slavery of the Roman times doesn’t work either because it was a white on white crime, or…wait for it…a white on black crime in the case of Carthage. Really, for the Romans it was a citizen/person of means on every one else crime, but whatever. The point is, any time you do some research to try to find a time when people were systematically discriminated against based on skin color you find one common theme…it was a white guy leading the parade. Sorry folks, but that’s just the God’s honest truth. The eradication of Native Americans? White people. The West African slave trade? White people. Apartheid? White people. Japanese-American internment? White people. I could go on, but I think you can see the trend here. Need more proof? Google “List of racist occurrences in history” and then Google “Examples of racism against white people,” compare your results. The proof, as they say, is in the pudding (actually, what was said was the “the proof of the pudding is in the eating…but again, whatever).

I think Louis C.K. said it best in a comedy skit on why “being white is clearly better” (note the emphasis on BEING WHITE and not WHITE PEOPLE) He remarks that he can get in a time machine and go to any time and place and because he is white it won’t be an issue. He furthers this commentary by adding that the same is not true for black people and that anything before 1980 is a bit iffy for people of color.

“…But I can go to any time! The year 2. I don’t even know what’s happening then, but I know when I get there…’Welcome, we have a table right here for you, sir’. ‘Thank you. Oh, it’s lovely here in the year 2’.”

-Louis C.K.

I love this skit and have it on my iPod for rainy days when I need not only a laugh, but a reality check. The truth hurts and because of that we’ve made it a habit to sort of gloss over the ugly parts and write history in a manner that doesn’t paint white people in the light we probably deserve to be painted. Don’t believe me? Do some research on how Texas and McGraw-Hill portray slavery in their textbooks, for just one example. So, here is where the defensive white people enter the conversation, “but it is not our fault,” “I wasn’t even alive when slavery existed,” “I’m not a racist,” “I can’t help it I’m white!”…yada yada yada. Next mic drop…NO ONE IS SAYING IT IS, YOU WERE, or YOU ARE. Seriously, when a black person tells you that their lives are different from yours because you are white and they are black, that’s not a dig against you. They aren’t blaming you for it or asking you to apologize for it, they’re simply stating a point of fact. The truth is, we don’t like this fact because deep down, in places we don’t like to talk about at parties, this fact makes us feel all icky and yucky inside. It makes us feel guilty and it makes us feel bad about being white (which, as we’ve established, isn’t our fault). I mean, why should we feel bad about being white when we had no control over who our parents are and what our heritage is? IT’S NOT OUR FAULT!!! Cue the violins and listen closely. NO ONE IS SAYING IT IS. The only person making you feel guilty for being white is you. The only person making you think you’re supposed to apologize for slavery and Apartheid and Jim Crow is you. The only person making you proclaim that you are not a racist is you. Black people are NOT white shaming you. They’re just asking you to lend their point-of-view some credence. They’re asking you to stop denying racism because admitting it makes you feel uncomfortable. They’re asking you to have an open and honest conversation with them about race. They’re asking you to stop pretending that you know what it is like to be black in America because YOU DON’T.

The bottom line is this…racism exists in America. It shouldn’t. But it does. And if we think of racism in terms of an addiction and 12-step the hell out of it, we might just start to make some progress. And what is the first step in any 12-step program? Admitting we have a problem! (It’s actually that we are powerless against alcohol and our lives have become unmanageable…sue me for paraphrasing) Anyway, the point is, that until we, that’s right, the ROYAL WHITE WE, admit that racism still exists we can’t move forward. And IF you are one of the people holding firm to your belief that racism doesn’t exist in America, then guess what? You ARE part of the problem.

So here’s the deal, at least as I see it, we (yes, white we) have to shift our perspective. We have to shift the paradigm and change the way we think and talk about racism. I’m not writing this to make you feel bad about being white. I’m not into “white shaming.” I’m writing this because until a few years ago I questioned why “whereblackpeoplemeet.com” wasn’t racist. I’m writing this because I am hoping that at least one person will read this and say, “ahhhhh…I get it now.”

So shift your paradigm. The next time someone of color tells you that white privilege is real, don’t deny it, just believe them. The next time someone tells you that racism exists in America, don’t automatically default to the defensive. Instead, remind yourself that they are not asking you to apologize for white privilege. They are not asking you to apologize for being white. They are asking you to take the first step in solving the problem by admitting we have one. Once we stop ignoring the elephant in the room we can open up the channels of conversation and take the next steps to righting the wrongs.

The Black Lives Matter movement is NOT negating white lives, it is NOT negating cop lives, or even puppy dog lives. The Black Lives Matter movement is NOT denying that, yes, in fact, ALL LIVES MATTER, black people know this same as you and I. What the Black Lives Matter movement IS, is a catchy slogan to be used on social media to garner support and attention for a cause. The Black Lives Matter movement IS calling attention to an issue our country IS currently facing.  It’s NOT supposed to make you angry (well it IS, but NOT at black people). It’s NOT supposed to make you feel bad for being white. It’s NOT supposed to make you feel less valuable. It IS supposed to make you think. It IS supposed to make you aware. It IS supposed to make you feel uncomfortable. It IS supposed to make you care. It IS supposed to make US change.